We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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