Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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