The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
