I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
