ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
