The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
