The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
