I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize