I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
