I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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