I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
