He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
As shirtless as possible
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
