its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
