It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she peed on how many people?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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