my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Randomize
