Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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