I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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