I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
