A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
