you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
