dude i'm inner monologue high
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize