am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
