how can u be prego again
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
