he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
