you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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