This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
