well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
