she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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