Cold hands, warm shart.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
