brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
