We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How naked do you want me to be?
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