Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
