i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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