Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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