I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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