yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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