I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
