a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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