living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
