The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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