I hate all girls vehemently.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
