i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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