don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize