I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The best revenge is premature balding
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize