What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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