You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
