Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
