I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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