let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
