I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize