A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will be naked everywhere
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know her cup size but not her name....
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