this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
