I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
