Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
