That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
