Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize