dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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