dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
