Buhtt sex?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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