I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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