Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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