Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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