i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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