You work out of a Hotel?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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