the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
