Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
