I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
