So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
