the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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