Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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