ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
