i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
