I wannas sexs uuuuu
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
operation harelip BJ is a go
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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