the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
