sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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