i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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