we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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