so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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