3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
