i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize