My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize